Logline Within a madcap weekend, a misfit pacifist must prove to his father that he has value for Genghis Khan, or else he must fight in the Mongol army.
I'm looking for a producer with the same vision and mindset to appreciate the genius of the movie MASH to use a simple set of tents to deliver a satirical look at war and society without showing a battle. Me and the O.G. Genghis Khan, historically based, uses one location, a group of Mongolian gers, to create a Genghis Khan parody with ironic humor, dark comedy, and spicy antics. Each scene uses anachronistic items and references highlighting our present-day societal absurdities. It's a low-cost period piece with one location, and everyone's costumes are deels, a belted robe.
Synopsis Setup The entire story spans the four-day anniversary celebration of Genghis Khan uniting the tribes of Mongolia in 1206 AD. Our protagonist, Onon, has a 21st-century mind in the 13th-century. He's a misfit pacifist in a warrior culture who teaches Genghis Khan's children but wants to be a writer. Onon's domineering Father, General Subutai, gives Onon four days of the anniversary celebration to prove his worth, or Onon will fight alongside him. To prove himself and escape this tent-living philistine lifestyle, Onon must write the tragicomic history of the Mongols.
Day One The first scene sets the irreverent and zany tone as Onon talks to Genghis while he's having doggie-style sex with a concubine. Then, Onon and his best friend, Kovboi, the Khan's grandson, scheme with the wacky shamans Sunny and Sherpa. They plan to scam visitors attending the anniversary celebration with bogus Genghis Khan amulets.
That night is the madcap Miss Mongolian Concubine beauty pageant, for the Khan chooses his new concubine from the prisoners Subutai brought back to the camp. Onon and Kovboi assist the four female pageant finalists to escape the Khan's bedroom.
The four female pageant finalists join Onon and Kovboi as a group of outcasts. Mousse, a literate French Asian, falls in love with Onon and is dismissed from the competition because she's one of the few literate people in Mongolia. Hua Mulan, a Chinese lesbian warrior, is rejected as she challenges the Mongol wrestling champ. Chamin, a Blasian lesbian dancer, falls in love with Hua Mulan and dances her way from being a concubine to a USO performer. The fourth finalist, Khulan, a Siberian horse trainer, falls in love with Kovboi. She is the winner, and Kovboi begs his grandfather to let him marry Khulan. The Khan agrees, but after he has sex with her first that night.
Onon devises a plan to save Khulan from the degradation of being a sexual slave for a night. Onon convinces the middle-aged Sherpa, the shaman, to do a ludicrous bed switch with Khulan. They figure the drunk Khan won't know the difference, and Sherpa looks forward to the sexual romp with the great Genghis.
Day Two The second day of the celebration is the wrestling match between the champ Belgutei and Hua Mulan. The uproarious bout, won by Hua Mulan, makes WWE wrestling matches seem tame. At the same time, the Khan's wife, queen Borte, gets Onon alone in a ger and does a Mrs. Robinson seduction act that Onon escapes. That night, Mousse teaches Onon how to French kiss as the Mongols sniff cheeks for a kiss, as the couple plans to earn their freedom by co-writing the book, then marrying, and escaping to civilized Europe.
Day Three On this day of the celebration are a series of satirical seminars about the Mongol way of life that reflect a sarcastic view of our present-day society. In the workshops, we see the roots of Fox News and CNN go back to the Ancient Mongols' propaganda techniques like a double-edged sword to brainwash their citizens and scare their enemies.
Following the news seminars is a TED Talk (Torture-Elimate-Defeat) that displays new options available in a Mongolian horse, like a car at an auto show.
The final seminar is a Town Hall Meeting. The public jumps at the opportunity of this freedom and asks cringey questions about the Khan's inner circle about his gay affair, his bastard son, the ethics of marrying off their daughters, and the warrior's conscience. Onon questions Subutai during the seminars. Subutai realizes there is room in this world for his pacifist views with his warrior mindset and blesses Onon and Mousse's marriage. Day Four - Climax and Finale Three-way wedding of the outcasts: Onon and Mousse, Kovboi and Khulan, and Hua Mulan and Chamin received the Khan's dispensation for gay women. Onon and Mousse's last problem is solved when Marco Polo, who looks like Rocky Balboa, visits the camp, and they can get a ride in Marco's caravan back to Europe.
Onon and Mousse display their finished book as co-authors in celebration. The book is The Secret History of the Mongols by Anon et Mousse, or as history will remember them-Anonymous.